Captain Mommy (my wife) is a donation pro. When KD (my 13-yr-old son) grows out of things or loses interest, they either go to friends with younger kids or into bags for donations. After all, you can only hang onto so many memories before you have to park on the driveway because the garage is bursting at the seams.
The other day, I heard that they were taking some things to the Little League fields to donate. I figured it’d be some pants or a bat or two KD has grown out of. When I looked in the car it was ALL of his baseball gear. I’ll spare the laundry list but it’s significant. KD has decided for now that he’s done with baseball and is only playing soccer.
KD is a pretty good athlete and has always liked both sports equally and been equally good. Although he has dreams of playing in the Bundesliga or MLB, he knows that it’s a long, long, long shot. Still, I think he’s good enough to play both for a few more years. I’m shocked that he’s giving away all his gear.
In some ways it makes perfect sense. His entire Little League season was cancelled due to COVID-19. He still loves the Giants and roots with me when the Dodgers are doing well. But as the opportunities to play have all but evaporated, he has moved on.
Conversely, he’s running with a soccer squad that is doing drills with masks at a distance. Matches have been shut down due to the Coronavirus, but they’re still out on the pitch running around. And as it gets safer, I imagine they’ll be playing matches. He’s also running with nice kids and has those coaches who are gifted and kind with the kids. No screaming. No yelling. Nothing…
But it’s more than having an opportunity to play soccer vs not playing baseball that’s impacting his decision. He has just gravitated to soccer and likely would have regardless of COVID-19. He’s having fun and improving. And he’s reaching the age that if he wants to play for a few more years, it’s a good idea to put focus into one sport. (At least that’s what Dr. Cindy told me. She played all the sports growing up, and at age 13 she started playing only soccer. Since she got a full ride, Division 1 soccer scholarship, it makes sense.)
And this is a bit difficult for me. I’ve (almost) never been “that dad,” yelling from the baseball stands, directing junior on every play he misses and completely embarrassing his kid and cultivating his hatred for the game. But still, I’m a quiet dad rooting hard for my kid to do well, telling him after the game how proud I am that he plays hard, is a good teammate and all the other stuff those articles suggest the “progressive” parents do. But down deep, I’ve noticed when he does things well, and I think that when he grows a bit, he could be pretty good on the diamond. But he has paused for now.
I didn’t say anything about it, but I processed my feelings for a minute. Just because I lost interest in soccer at about age 12 and focused on baseball and basketball, it isn’t my job to try to push KD in the direction of baseball. Instead, I’m supporting him as he finds his way to what he loves. We got in the car and drove to the park so he could run with his soccer squad for a bit. I hadn’t seen him play in a while, and he has gotten significantly better.
The laundry list of what messages we parents “should” pass along is countless. Within reason, one is providing opportunities for our kids to “find their way” to what their passion(s) are and then get out of their way. We need to check ourselves that we don’t insert our likes, dislikes and the rest in an attempt to guide them toward things they may grow to hate. (Unless he wants to be a professional Fortnite player, I’m going to draw the line. That’s a hard NO.)
For now, I’m doing the best I can to be the dad who shows up, even though I don’t always know the subtle intricacies of the game.