Kevin, my 18-year-old son, and I have always been close. Maybe it had something to do with the NICU and me reducing work hours to hold him most of the time. The Bubble Team Meets Dr. Doom and Gloom Maybe it was me holding him in the shower five nights a week, when he had pulmonary issues for a few years. Maybe it was me accidentally putting cumin in his apple sauce and him loving it and us laughing for hours. Maybe it was playing Monopoly long enough for him to memorize every property price, cost of landing on houses and hotels. Maybe it was German soccer at 6 a.m. and the coaching. Maybe it’s watching and rooting very hard for the Lakers. 

Or maybe he’s just one of those kids who is very kind, easygoing, naturally gets along with most people and goes with the flow. Born that way. It’s probably a lot of both: nature and nurturing by his parents.

Cool stuff for Kevin

I would never say I did all of the parenting. Or even close. Stephanie did far more of the heavy lifting than I did. She was firm, nurturing, loving, organized and went to the end of the earth to provide cool experiences, like doing a bunch of volunteer work for baseball program that the Giants sponsor. He got to go on the mound during a game and have a special lunch with Willy McCovey (a Giants legend who was dedicated to the community. So fun!) He gave Matt Cain a thumbs up and said, “Hi I’m Kevin. Wow, you’re tall.” IMG_1081 (Here’s a link of the video I took.) The announcers saw it and were still laughing about his “thumbs up” a few innings later.

He also knew she was the boss. She once asked him to do something and he stepped back, saluted her, and said, “aye, aye Captain Mommy.” He also told me that he didn’t care if he got in trouble at school. He just didn’t want to come home and get in trouble with Captain Mommy. He’s never been in trouble at school.

It’s time 

And now he’s off to college in the fall. And I’ve been thinking a ton about what it will be like. And I have for his entire life. By his choice, he calls me every day when he finishes school. He said he will continue that. (He told me that he calls because nobody else calls me.)  (Coincidentally, he just called me.) We text a ton about stupid stuff and stuff with his mom/my wife. He said he plans to continue texting me like this. He’s going to school about an hour and a half away. Close enough…

Much that I would be perfectly ok if he super commutes to school, that’s obviously not going to happen. Stephanie and I were both RAs, and we know how valuable the dorms can be. As an only child, we want him to navigate having a roommate. We want him to be able to go to all the games and school activities. He’s very responsible and independent, but he’ll have lots of new experiences and challenges to navigate. He needs to adult. 

I imagine he’ll come home often to see us and other people. And I’ll love it. Since his mom’s Alzheimer’s is aggressive and unfair, he wants to be here as much as possible. It’ll be a balance. He’s a kid who is dedicated to our family; I also want him to have a separate experience, where he doesn’t worry too much about home.

He is my favorite person. And we’re friends (mostly.) He still respects me and does everything I ask, without question. And I ask him to do a lot. I’m in charge of so much, but he’s my backstop. In a crisis, he’d come home from college in a heartbeat. But I don’t want to depend on him in this way.

Gotta pivot

Believe me, I’m not without support now. My mother-in-law comes weekly and in a pinch. And Stephanie goes to a fabulous day program 3 days a week. I also have a few local friends who would help me whenever and a large circle of my bros and family across the country who have my back. They’ve let me know they would fly here in a pinch, if I were imploding. And my brother and sister-in-law are an hour away. They keep an eye on things for me. And my mom lives by them, too. My life will be very different.  But like I say, I’ll pivot and figure it out and be fine.

I guess it’s just that I love my son unconditionally, and I’ll miss him. But it’s our role as parents to prepare our kids to leave the nest. It’s our job to help our kids to be better people than we are. The other night, Stephanie was in the ER with pneumonia, and the doctor spoke to us at 2 a.m. I was exhausted and Kevin stepped in and gave the doctor all the important information. I tried to add something, and Kevin looked at me and told me he had it. He said it better than I would have. As we say, he’s ready to “slay the day.”

Until next time…