I’ve done quite a bit of parenting training. Of all, I’m most impressed by Parent Project (www.parentproject.com), which is a program for parents of strong-willed children. They have Parent Project, Sr. for children between the ages of 11-17, and Loving Solutions (a.k.a. “Parent Project, Jr) for parents of children ages 5-10.
In this entry, I want to focus on some key points from Loving Solutions. (If you’re having overwhelming problems, which seem not to be getting better, I suggest checking out the class, which is six-weeks-long but well worth it.)
First, tell you children you love them every day and be physically affectionate. This is a no-brainer, but I know how difficult it can be to do every day.
Second, as long as requests are reasonable, say “yes” as frequently as possible. Another no-brainer. However, it’s tough to say “yes” when your kids aren’t doing what they’re supposed to.
The best way to redirect your child is to withhold what they want to do until after they do what they’re supposed to do. Say, for example, your son asks to go play with Jimmy across the street, but his basketball is in the lampshade and football is in the fridge. Assuming you (and Jimmy’s parents) are comfortable with him visiting, I suggest saying something like: “Yes, you can go to Jimmy’s, after you put your basketball and football away.” Until he does so, he doesn’t get to leave. He’s 100% control of his fun.
I realize this is simple stuff, but it works really well. When done well, it’s pretty magical, and everybody is happy. You get a clean house and your kid has cleaned up (and learned about being responsible for his/her stuff.)