As the world wobbles on its axis, I’ve taken a few minutes to jot down my thoughts on how people can cope emotionally as the Coronavirus visits all corners of the earth.
My advice as a therapist, parent, and human being:
First and foremost, it’s natural for your anxiety to be through the roof. Take steps to do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. Even though your gym is probably closed, can you work out at home or take a run? Or maybe you can write in a journal. Or maybe you can meditate. Or maybe you can call a friend. I was losing it this morning and started messaging people on Facebook and felt a bit better. Or maybe you can do yoga. Or maybe you can pray. Or maybe read a book you’ve had in a stack for a year. Or maybe…
And if you find that you just can’t manage it all, maybe it’s time to reach out to a therapist. Many of my colleagues are offering remote sessions. I’m offering video and telephone sessions. Whichever works for you. Reach out!
To a limited degree, it’s helpful to keep up on the news. But it’s probably not the best to get the news from your favorite barista or the shaming thread on Facebook. Instead, find a trusted, neutral, non-political news source and check-in twice a day for updates and advice on the steps people should take to stay as healthy as possible. If you spend the day getting moment by moment updates from a variety of other (potentially questionable sources,) you increase the likelihood of feeling more anxious that you might otherwise be and make careless/unnecessary decisions.
Then, listen to yourself and make decisions based on this and YOUR OWN FEELINGS of how you can feel safe, (even if it’s more cautious than what the experts suggest.)
Keep in-mind that whatever decisions you’ll make will set you up for “advice” from others, which is really just thinly veiled criticism and judgement. One person might think it’s a good idea to stock up on food and gets pumped when you find some toilet paper. Another person could call you selfish for buying extra toilet paper and clearing off the shelves. You can’t win.
Keep in mind the needs of others. Maybe your kid’s friends in the neighborhood can tiptoe over to your house to play and give their parents a break. Maybe you can get takeout from a local restaurant (and leave the same tip as you always would.) Maybe you can buy a coffee for the person behind you in the drive through at Starbucks. Finally, speak kindly to each other. Etc. This will help you feel better. Reflect on this a little…
Ok, you’ve taken care of yourself and feel a little bit calmer. But how about our kids? They follow our lead, and if we’re freaking out, they will be too. And of course, freaking out kids gets that cycle started again. And we freak out again.
There’s no sense trying to fool them about how things are going. After all, they’re off school and forced to be inside. We parents need to be as honest as we can (in an age-appropriate way) and listen to their thoughts and feelings. They also need to get out their feelings. Then, talk about the things you are doing to help them feel safe: physically, economically, socially, etc. Even if you have no idea how to figure it out, you’ll need to do your best to explain what you do know and reassure them. After all, this is our job as parents.
(SIMILARLY, don’t monitor the stock market moment by moment. Doing mathematical gymnastics and tabulating the value of your retirement on a moment-to-moment basis is definitely not a good thing. Talk about anxiety…)