First, an announcement. The next round of my ten weeks men’s counseling group begins on Monday, January 28th. It provides an opportunity for seven men to get together and talk about the challenges we face, without the pressures of outside distractions. Please contact me for more information.
The following from my column “The Dad Navigates Troubled Waters” was originally seen in the December 18, 2018 issue of the Land Park News by Valley Community Newspapers.
THE DAD NAVIGATES TROUBLED WATERS
Did I really hit 37?
Parenting decisions are sometimes made for us. Even if your kid wants to get their driver’s license at 14, they can’t. Even if our 5-year-olds want to ride in the front seat, and complain when we don’t let them, CA law says they have to be eight. Or if they want to ride a roller coaster, they can’t if they aren’t a certain height. And this is a damn good thing because I would have thrown up like crazy when KD (our 11-year-old son) was tiny.
But let’s be honest, the vast majority of decisions we parents make aren’t easy ones. Do you let your daughter play soccer, even though you’re worried about head injuries and she tore up her knee last year? Do you let your son get his driver’s license, even though he’s been very irresponsible lately? Despite weighing all the pros and cons, we sometimes don’t know what to do. A coin flip might be the best call. Captain Mommy (my wife Stephanie) and I faced a challenging decision a few weeks ago.
Soccer Saturdays are crazy and time flies. As we rushed madly to get out the door, the room started spinning and I fell down. I literally crawled into bed and slept all day. The next day I felt ok, for about 15 minutes. While watering my succulents, the world started spinning, and I fell down again. I crawled into bed and then felt worse. I crawled into the bathroom and started throwing up and couldn’t stop.
I’m a numbers guy and started counting. I had a “Am I going to puke 25 times?” moment. Yes I am. Ok, it wasn’t really funny, but I found some sort of sick humor in it. I made it to 37 times. Awesome…
If you’ve been there, you know I was having bad vertigo. But I was clueless and was freaking out. I’m epileptic and figured I was having some sort of awful seizure or a stroke. As I dry-heaved, Captain Mommy called the on-call neurologist, and he said I needed to go to the emergency room STAT!
Between rounds, I had this moment of wondering if KD should go with us. After all, the kid has gone through a ton of trauma in his life, with 20 days in the NICU, three stops in the PICU, and tons more. And seeing me in this state scared the hell out of him and Captain Mommy. The last time I went to the ER, which happens way too frequently, we called our friends DJ and AT and they took him to their place. Since, this was way worse, I figured we’d be calling them or somebody else to take him.
Since I was busy doing my thing, Captain Mommy made the call that KD would come with us. She said something along the lines of, “This is the reality, and he should see this.” Since I was in no mood to debate, the three of us hopped in the car and headed to the ER. The asked a few questions, ran a few tests, pumped me up with IV fluids and sent me home without any diagnosis. They don’t give diagnoses in the ER.
The next day, my neurologist squeezed me in, did about a five seconds’ evaluation, and let me know I’d had vertigo and sent me home. I rested for a few days, made a few lifestyle changes, and got back to my life.
During my recovery, I reflected further on our choice of what we expose KD to and what we don’t. The kid has gone through so many traumas in his life; he doesn’t need more. Maybe we should have left him with friends.
Conversely, he’s an only child, and he won’t have siblings to share the load with when Captain Mommy and I get old and need help. Maybe it was good that he came.
After looking at it from about 10 different angles, I concluded that I’m glad we brought him. After all KD is eleven, and even though he saw me fall down twice and heard me throwing up countless times, he should see this stuff. It’s reality…
Until next time…
Steve is a Marriage and Family Therapist working in Midtown. He can be reached at 916-919-0218 and found on Twitter @rivercitysteve and on Facebook at River City Counseling.