Negative Self-Talk and Procrastination

Every once in a while I have one of those 3:30 a.m. or so wake-ups when, after freshening-up in the facilities, I can’t go back to sleep. Wide-awake, my mind goes crazy with crazy stuff. And it’s not the pleasant crazy stuff.  I rotate through all of the stuff that makes me feel awful about myself.

Early this morning, I started with the continuing education units I need to renew my license. I need 36 hours by the end of November, and I have quite a ways to go. I need to call about a free resource, but haven’t. Then, my mind went to how I’m not being the kind of dad I want to be these days. KD and I are escalating together, and I feel like we’re in the Romper Room wrestling ring. Then, I went to how I know I need to set a dental appointment. I have the guy’s name, but I just haven’t called.  Then, I thought about how I’m behind on my notes. I’ve written them shorthand, but I need to put them in my on-line notes program. Then, I thought about how there were a ton of dishes to put away.

And then the circle repeats itself, usually with a few things added. Today, I thought about how I wanted to clean the bathrooms over the weekend but didn’t.  Also, I forgot to put together a recipe for the Crockpot.

By that point, I was 45 minutes in and mad/anxious because I haven’t been getting enough sleep lately. And then I remembered meditation/deep breathing and gave it a try. I didn’t help, and I felt worse. I considered getting-up, but I wasn’t willing to give-up.

Then, I realized/remembered something I thought about a day or so ago. I got-up, found a piece of scratch paper, and wrote down a list of three things I wanted to do this a.m.: call about the continuing education resource, call and set a dental appointment, and clean the bathrooms.

Most mornings, I get-up, realize that I was more anxious than I should have been, get irritated that I’ve missed sleep obsessing on this stuff and then forget about it (ahem procrastination)…until I’m awake a night or two later. This morning, since I had my list, I called two people and got clarification on my CEU’s and then set a dental appointment. I haven’t cleaned the bathroom, but that’s ok… There’s always tomorrow.

To make it simple, I broke my procrastination circle. And even though I have tons of other projects that I want to do, I feel better because I’ve done a few of the things hanging over my head. Maybe I’ll sleep a little bit better tonight.

Next time, maybe I’ll write about why I procrastinate. Or maybe not. Because I sometimes use writing my blog as a  form of procrastination to put off writing my notes…

As usual, this procrastinating therapist, parent and spouse, is going through life trying to quiet his demons in the middle of the night and do the best he can.

Until next time…