A man can play hoop and dance as long as he brings home his hat

Since a certain song played at the gym the other day and KD’s basketball season is just getting started, I figured it was time for one from the archives. But before getting to it, I want to remind people that my next ten weeks counseling group for men is starting on January 18th, in Midtown Sacramento.

With the world looking at the negative ways men treat women, it’s a perfect time for men to get together in a non-judgmental setting and reflect on their behavior:  how they parent; how they treat their wife or significant other; how they balance professional responsibilities and family life; the challenges that come with building friendships with other men; stress management; and overall self care. If you are interested, please contact me at 916-919-0218 or at steve@rivercitycounseling.com. Please share this with anyone else you think might be interested.


In KD’s basketball game the other day he should have passed the ball a bit more. One time down the court he forced a shot and it was an air ball. I was in the stands right in front of him and he said, “Carmelo.” We both giggled, and he went back to play defense.

Unless you follow the NBA carefully, you’d have no idea what we’re talking about. Short version: we’re both Lakers fans. A year ago, they talked about signing Carmelo Anthony to a free agent contract for over $20 million per season. In our opinions, it would have been a horrible signing and made the season even worse than it already was. He’s like quicksand; once he gets the ball he isn’t passing it back out. He forces and misses tons of shots. KD shot just like ‘Melo.

Another one of our latest things is playing the college game.  It’s a brilliant, non-competitive game, and the rules are simple: my wife, KD and I lounge around and name colleges, the more obscure the better. When we come up with a good one like Belmont or Florida International, you’d think we’d won March Madness. Yes, our cheers are loud, which is difficult for my wife to tolerate at 630 a.m, but we’re having a blast. And that’s what’s important.

Another time recently, our family broke out a little Men Without Hats. Many of you remember their one hit “Safety Dance.” We played the video and our family broke out the “S’s” for the rest of the afternoon and had a tough time stopping giggling.

If you’re feeling a bit confused or bored, you’re right where you should be. Almost none of you are Lakers fans and couldn’t care less about Carmelo. Maybe you’ll think about these obscure schools when you choose your March Madness bracket this week.  But I guarantee you that you haven’t thought about Jacksonville State or Northern Kentucky in the last year.  And even though you can dance if you want to, you probably won’t.

And believe me there are plenty more. KD and I giggle about other things; my wife and KD have their stuff; my wife and I have our inside jokes; and our family has plenty more silly stuff. And it’s our stuff; it’s what makes us giggle, laugh and dance. It’s our glue.


And glue is my key word. When families have these sorts of inside jokes, experiences and memories, it helps them feel closer and holds them together in more challenging moments. I encourage you to take a moment and think about what your family’s glue is. Because sometimes when things are tense and people are frustrated, breaking out some “S’s” will help you not leave your family behind.

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